


A Most (Un)Holy Union

by Hekate1308



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 23:41:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19486363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hekate1308/pseuds/Hekate1308
Summary: They had known that this day would come. Not even someone as oblivious to the obvious as angels and demons who hadn’t set a foot on earth for centuries would believe forever that a demon could grow immune to holy water, or an angel to hellfire; and so, when Crowley realized he was being tailed – and by a Lincoln, at that – he did what he usually did in cases like this.He hit the gas.





	A Most (Un)Holy Union

**Author's Note:**

> It was only a matter of time. Only fluff here. Enjoy!

They had known that this day would come. Not even someone as oblivious to the obvious as angels and demons who hadn’t set a foot on earth for centuries would believe forever that a demon could grow immune to holy water, or an angel to hellfire; and so, when Crowley realized he was being tailed – and by a Lincoln, at that – he did what he usually did in cases like this.

He hit the gas.

Crowley had always been proud of his driving skills. Barely any other demon even knew how to turn a motor on for the simple reason that they had never bothered to learn.

Therefore, it was no surprise that he managed to lose whoever it was within two minutes; once he had carefully made sure that he was indeed no longer under observation, he razed through the streets of London straight to Aziraphale’s bookshop. If the demons had figured it out, there was a good chance the angels had too – or that one group had done so and then called the other through the back channels neither side would admit to having.

The bookshop was closed, of course. Crowley could remember exactly two occasions where it had been open, and one of those had been the actual opening – all the books you could want to purchase for the next half hour because this was as long as Aziraphale was ready to keep it open, plus one rather annoyed archangel Gabriel. He’d made his way out of there as fast as he could.

He snapped his fingers and opened the door, strolling in to find Aziraphale drinking cacao and reading. Of course.

“Angel!”

He looked up through the glasses he didn’t need. “Crowley, what –“

When he saw his expression, he put the book away. Later, he would consider this a small miracle in itself, although he couldn’t say whether he or the angel had made it happen. “What’s going on?”

“They figured it out.”

“Your side or my –“ at Crowley’s glare he quickly interrupted himself and asked “Which side?”

“Hell, I think. Someone was following me, I didn’t stick around to ask questions.”

“You lost them, then, before coming here?”

“No, I thought I’d lead them right to your bookshop.”

Aziraphale got up. “There is no need to be sarcastic.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said –“

“I heard you perfectly. It’s just that – well, I’ve had a plan for this eventuality for a while now.”

“You have? Out with it!”

Aziraphale hesitated.

“Come on angel, now is not the time to play coy! Now is the time for plans, if you’ve actually got one, because –“

“Oh, alright” he huffed. “You know how everyone is upset that we helped advert the Apocalypse?”

When he didn’t continue and Crowley realized he was actually waiting for an answer, he waved his hands in the air. “Yes?”

“So what we need” Aziraphale said, stepping up to him, his right hand hovering over Crowley’s chest as he used it to accentuate his words, “is a reason why we did it, a reason they can’t blame us for what we did.”

“There is no such reason!”

“There is one.” Aziraphale’s gaze swept around his bookshop before settling on Crowley once more. “A holy union.”

Crowley might have enjoyed earth greatly, but he had never paid much attention to human customs he was unlikely to ever have the need of himself. Plus, anything holy had always been a touchy subject with him, so that the penny needed a moment to drop. Then, he spluttered, “Are you talking marriage!?”

Aziraphale nodded. “Yes. You see, Heaven could not possibly prosecute us for trying to stop our holy union from being dispelled because of the very nature of the thing, and Hell would be too scared of a holy union because it is, well, by nature a holy union and –“

“Can we please stop calling it a holy union?” Crowley asked, rubbing his forehead. “You are giving me a headache.”

“Sorry. My point is, if we were joined in a – if we were joined in marriage, it would explain our actions and no punishment would be allowed to follow.”

“Didn’t you tell me for millennia that you couldn’t be caught _fraternizing_ with a demon?”

“This wouldn’t be fraternizing, this would be a –“

“A _holy union_ , I _know_ ” he sighed, wincing. “So what? You’re suggesting we just stroll down to the registry office and get hitched?”

“It would have to be blessed by a priest.”

“A priest” he said flatly. “Sorry to break it to you, angel, but priests work in churches. And I don’t think any of them would be glad to see one of the grooms hop around like a fidgety squirrel the whole time.”

“They can officiate a wedding wherever the couple wishes it” Aziraphale pointed out.

“That’s true” he conceded, “But are you sure this will work?”

“It’s the best thing I could come up with. Or do you have a better idea?”

No, Crowley didn’t. In truth, he didn’t have a single idea, but he was not about to admit it.

And – well – most humans thought one should marry one’s best friend, didn’t they? At least he believed so.

Alright then. Seemed like they were getting married.

* * *

His body was leaking. Sweating. Whatever. It was ridiculous because he was a demon. He didn’t sweat.

So his body was a bit _malfunctioning_. It could happen after a few millennia.

Still, he had gone to the trouble and…

He stared at the box in his hand. The seller had been more than happy to help him pick out a ring for his future husband, claiming it was “romantic” that they wouldn’t go for a simple matching pair but that each of them would pick out the other’s individually.

He wasn’t so sure about that. Weren’t matching rings part of the ceremony? Maybe it wasn’t a holy union without them. He really should have done more research, but Aziraphale had seemed so sure…

He could always wait and see. If push came to shove, he didn’t have to give him the ring, he could just get a refund (he still couldn’t believe he had actually paid for the thing, what was he, a besotted human?)

Yes. Wait and see. That was his best bet.

* * *

They had decided to get married at St. James’ Park, since this was the place where they had held so many of their clandestine – and Crowley supposed he was allowed to call it fraternizing now – meetings. Aziraphale had gone off, claiming that he’d find a priest to marry them as quickly as he could; it was only logical that he should do so, he probably new all the local priests, he was still an angel, after all.

Crowley, meanwhile had bought the ring – after he’d gone to his flat to change into a new suit. After all, one had to do things with style. He’d briefly contemplated getting a white one, considering hew as rather sure that usually, one of the humans participating in a wedding wore white (although he couldn’t say which one), but had decided it was too off-brand for him. Plus, Aziraphale was sure to wear white, anyway.

He was not nervous. He _wasn’t_.

* * *

Aziraphale and then priest were already waiting for him. The later seemed to be under some sort of impression that they were eloping together – Crowley supposed that in a way, they were, only that they were also sort of doing the opposite because they were getting married so they wouldn’t have to run away – and smiled brightly. “There you are! Your fiancé was getting worried that you wouldn’t come.”

More likely, he’d been wondering if the forces of Hell had managed to drag him off the street, Crowley thought.

When he turned to Aziraphale, he was surprised – and secretly delighted – that he, too, had changed into a suit Crowley had never seen before.

And was he –

Yes. “Angel, you’re blushing.”

“I am not.”

He was about to protest that he very much was (mostly because it was a relief considering he himself was still sweating) when the priest announced that they should be getting started.

They hadn’t really spoken of vows or anything like that, and even if they had, Crowley would have been against writing their own. They would probably have ended up with him pledging that he wouldn’t touch Aziraphale’s books when he was in a bad mood, and the angel having to promise that he wouldn’t try and make his plants feel comfortable.

He suddenly realized they hadn’t spoken about living arrangements yet. But subjects of a holy union had to live together, didn’t they? Well, like he had just thought, as long as Aziraphale let him terrorize his plants in peace…

Before he became quite aware of it, they had pledged themselves to each other for eternity (but wasn’t that what they had done all along, he thought somewhat confusedly, gazing into Aziraphale’s eyes? They had worked together since the beginning, they had met each other more often than their respective brethren; and they certainly enjoyed spending their time together, at least he did…)

“The rings?” the priest asked and Aziraphale took a box out of his coat.

Alright then, seems like he had –

Also just bought one ring. One ring like the one he always wore – the one with the wings.

And yes.

He was blushing again.

Crowley quickly took out the snake ring he had purchased. “I thought it might be a nice symbol” he mumbled. “You know, holy union and all that.”

When he looked up again, Aziraphale wasn’t blushing anymore.

Instead he was beaming.

Crowley was rather glad that the whole “I do” part was over because to his mortification he found himself struck speechless.

They pit on the rings. Crowley was now pretty sure he had seen this part on TV, which meant that –

“You may now kiss the groom” the priest told them, smiling gently.

Yep.

A kiss it was.

Crowley couldn’t really say he was an expert in the matter; seducing humans had never included – that, despite some rumours flying about in the Middle Ages.

Still, it couldn’t be that –

And then Aziraphale surprised him by grabbing his lapels and dragging him into a kiss.

Oh. This actually felt quite nice. Better than nice. Actually really –

When they came up for – alright, not air, because they didn’t need to breathe – but when they stopped kissing, the priest had clearly trouble concealing his grin. Seemed like he really enjoyed holy unions or whatever.

Afterwards, they sat on the bench they had the day they had struck their deal about raising the Antichrist.

“That was nice” Aziraphale finally said.

“What exactly?”

“Oh, you know, the ceremony and the… whole thing.”

“The whole thing”. Crowley looked down at his ring. “Yes. It was nice.”

A pause.

Crowley cleared his throat. “Have you – I mean – married couples usually live together, don’t they.”

“Yes. I was thinking we could perform a little miracle and sort of… bring our places together.”

Crowley thought about it. “Could work. Don’t touch my plants, though.”

“I think threatening them is your job, my dear.”

The term of endearment made his heart beat faster, as idiotic as it was.

“Alright then. I’ll go to my place, s tot all up. See you at home, then, angel.”

Crowley surprised himself with pressing a kiss against Aziraphale’s lips, but he didn’t seem to have anything against it.

He walked back to the Bentley with a smile on his face.

The sight of Hastur standing in front of it did somewhat ruin his mood, though. “Hastur. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“We know what you –“ he stopped talking abruptly and stared at Crowley with wide eyes. “What have you done?”

Hm. Seemed like his soul – aura – whatever they had instead of those things had changed through the ceremony, and that Hastur could feel it. “Oh, I got married” he said, waving his new ring in front of Hastur’s face. “You know him. Aziraphale. We decided we couldn’t live without one another.”

And then he realized it was true.

Hastur was staring at him, his mouth hanging slightly open. “But – you can’t – a demon and an angel cannot –“

“Yes we can. Got a priest and all.”

“You – I – that will have consequences.” Although Hastur didn’t seem to know what those consequences were supposed to be, since he continued to simply stare at him, then snarled and was gone.

Apparently holy unions really did protect people – angels – demons – whoever. Who would have known.

He went home – the tape in the Bentley playing Mozart’s “Somebody to love”, how fitting – and performed the miracle, as promised. He opened the door that had been his front one a minute ago and greeted Aziraphale, who had made himself comfortable in his flat over the bookshop. ”Hello, angel.”

“Hello, my dear.” Aziraphale kissed him again. Crowley decided that this could very easily become part of their routine. “Gabriel has been in touch.”

“Already? And?”

“He is very happy for us.”

“Really?”

“No, he started to scream, but there was nothing he could do.”

“same with Hastur. I think they will all try and figure this out for quite a while.”

“Then we have time” Aziraphale said and held out his hand, a hopeful expression on his face.

Yes, Crowley thought, pulling him close and kissing him again, they had time.


End file.
